Building Your Parenting Self Confidence
by Brigitte Meier

Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character that decides on the strength of personality and the degree of inner freedom:

- "self assurance" describes mostly the behaviour. Counterparts are insecure behaviour or shyness.

- "self confidence" is the mental and emotional state that causes the outer appearance.

- "charisma" is the effect that those have on others.

Self confidence doesn't mean being perfect or presenting oneself in a perfect way, but realizing and accepting own strengths and weaknesses, using strengths to reach aims and considering weaknesses as challenges, not insurmountable limits.

It can be observed that some children are by nature more actively exploring their environment than others. So possibly self confidence has a genetic foundation.

Still, all experiences that include social interaction, with parents, relatives, friends and classmates, influence the development of self esteem. Appreciation has a positive, rejection a negative effect. But unfortunately, it's not that easy.

False or fake appreciation can often be observed with parents and relatives. For example the adoration of even the smallest output of infant creativity, like crude drawings, and other approvals of a child's intelligence and appearance can lead to a situation of over-confidence. Undeserved rejection, on the other hand, like punishing or disregarding a child out of an own bad mood, will confuse it and create insecurity.

Over-confidence, or the belief in own abilities and performance that are not real, can lead to arrogance. This can either turn into insecurity, if the person later realizes the truth, or it turns into an inconsiderate behaviour, which also isn't making life easier. Insecurity or shyness are very common burdens and they tend to create a lot of problems. Aside from lacking social and personal success, the constant fear of the own inferiority creates barriers that are hard to overcome.

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OMG! I Have Become My Parents!
by A Dude's Guide on May 12th

I don’t look all that much like my dad, but I’m sure starting to sound like him. The strange thing is, I feel like I’m starting to sound like my mom as well. I used to say things like “Another pitcher over here.” or “What the heck. Let’s play another nine.” Now I find myself saying things like: “What do you think, I’m made of money?”

Even worse, I’ve actually told my little dudes, “Kids in China would love to have that much food.” and “I work hard so you can have that, so you’d better put it away where it belongs.”

Finally, the piece of resistance (yeah, yeah, I know, but I can’t figure out how to really spell it), I actually said, “I hope you have kids just like yourself someday.”

When did I turn into my parents? And, an even more pressing question: Is this reversible?

Of course that might not be such a bad thing. I mean, my parents did raise me and I think (if I do say so myself) I turned out all right. So, Dude!, maybe turning into my parents might not be such a bad thing after all. Now if I can just manage to avoid looking like both of them.

xoxxo Mom and Dad

- Barry & Richard

A Dude's Guide is a supposed to be a funny and insightful look into what it takes for a Dude to be a better person. We are not saying that we are exceptional, insightful or funny people; but we try. We will use our experiences and adventures and misadventures to try to help other Dude's learn and contribute to this blog. Subscribe to A Dude's Guide blog for fatherhood advice and topics from Daddy Dudes!