Building Your Parenting Self Confidence
by Brigitte Meier

Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character that decides on the strength of personality and the degree of inner freedom:

- "self assurance" describes mostly the behaviour. Counterparts are insecure behaviour or shyness.

- "self confidence" is the mental and emotional state that causes the outer appearance.

- "charisma" is the effect that those have on others.

Self confidence doesn't mean being perfect or presenting oneself in a perfect way, but realizing and accepting own strengths and weaknesses, using strengths to reach aims and considering weaknesses as challenges, not insurmountable limits.

It can be observed that some children are by nature more actively exploring their environment than others. So possibly self confidence has a genetic foundation.

Still, all experiences that include social interaction, with parents, relatives, friends and classmates, influence the development of self esteem. Appreciation has a positive, rejection a negative effect. But unfortunately, it's not that easy.

False or fake appreciation can often be observed with parents and relatives. For example the adoration of even the smallest output of infant creativity, like crude drawings, and other approvals of a child's intelligence and appearance can lead to a situation of over-confidence. Undeserved rejection, on the other hand, like punishing or disregarding a child out of an own bad mood, will confuse it and create insecurity.

Over-confidence, or the belief in own abilities and performance that are not real, can lead to arrogance. This can either turn into insecurity, if the person later realizes the truth, or it turns into an inconsiderate behaviour, which also isn't making life easier. Insecurity or shyness are very common burdens and they tend to create a lot of problems. Aside from lacking social and personal success, the constant fear of the own inferiority creates barriers that are hard to overcome.

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Whip It? Good!
by A Dude's Guide on Jul 23rd

Some of my buddies long for the days of bar hopping, boozing and one nighters. I had plenty of those back in the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth, but for some reason I have no desire to get back on the scene. I’m whipped and I like it. I like the stability of having a family, home and — sometimes — I even like my job. I like being around my kids and wife. I like our three dogs (even though sometimes I want to send them all to the glue factory). I like my minivan, friends and neighbors. I like the moment I am in right now.

Sure, things get me down. The government drives me nuts. The local schools stink. The economy… But, I think that the guys who live in the past probably did not have the golden age they think they remember. They make one up in their mind and glorify how great it was. Sometimes, I think about those days in high school, college and just after school, and I realize that those days were great, but I hope that the best is still yet to come.

Living and enjoying today, looking forward to tomorrow and remembering the past and not reliving it is the essence of Dude!ness.

- Barry

PS: There are two tings I do truly miss. 1) My friends from elementary, middle and high school (I went to school with the same kids from 6-12th grades) and college since they mostly live in Florida. 2) Gator Football, because nothing in the world compares to a Gator game in the Swamp. Nothing!.

A Dude's Guide is a supposed to be a funny and insightful look into what it takes for a Dude to be a better person. We are not saying that we are exceptional, insightful or funny people; but we try. We will use our experiences and adventures and misadventures to try to help other Dude's learn and contribute to this blog. Subscribe to A Dude's Guide blog for fatherhood advice and topics from Daddy Dudes!